Day 78 - 9/8/21 - Wed
- mainemoviepirate
- 9 minutes ago
- 2 min read
Journal Entry:
“Up about 6:30, cause it took me a while to go to sleep. HLR drink, meds. (Hesitantly took the new one, even though it might be f*cking with my vision now as well.)
No email acceptance from DHS yesterday, in fact, no email at all. Wonder what’s going on.
LUNCH: Turkey Burgers, French Fries, Salad.
Didn’t do much, worked and took naps. The world is a fuzzy mess; eyes screwed up like my eyes are constantly focusing and refocusing. Got to be the new meds. And I also have an incredible sense of Dread, a feeling I haven't had in years. Barely left my CubiCell, almost totally out of it.
SUPPER: Glob of hamburger-related stuff. J.K. said it was a three-meat mix; C.C. said Crab Cakes and made fun of me because I believed him. Well, honestly, it’s definitely Mystery Meat. Very dog food-like. I ate the spaghetti, put another roll in reserve.
Did nothing at night… no “You’re in my seat” or even go outside. I tried to do a little legal research but couldn't stay focused. Mostly napped. Even when he stopped by my CubiCell, ‘E’ said, “What the f*ck is wrong with you?” We talked some about depression. He was with someone who had it for three years, so he could relate.
No more Duloxetine for me. After I file my CR (Compassionate Release), I’ll do a "Cop-Out" for a med change.”
Notes for Day 78 (Four Years Later)
It was kind of interesting. During my trial, the year waiting to report to prison, and most of my two and a half years of incarceration, this was the only time I experienced dread or a sense of pending doom, as it is also known. When you just know something bad is about to happen.
And in this case, it had to be that new psych med, or the combination of the new one and weaning off the Wellbutrin. I don’t know, even to this day, what really caused it, but I am sure glad it stopped. That was indeed crippling me. I could not even think straight—no or very little writing. If that had gone on during my entire ‘forced vacation,’ it eventually would have driven me over the edge or gotten me into some kind of confrontation or other serious problem that would not be cool.
Looking back, it really makes me wonder how many other “problem inmates” are that way because of mental illness or drug-related issues. Is there a system in place to identify it and find a solution? Or do those in charge just don’t give a f*ck about these citizens that society considers to be unworthy of freedom?
