Day 76 - 9/6/21 - Mon
- mainemoviepirate
- 20 hours ago
- 2 min read
Journal Entry:
“My second holiday in the pokey. Oh, joy. Woke up at 4:30 AM. H/L/R drink, meds. No difference in dreams. Disappointed, but maybe it’s too early. This is actually my first holiday at the camp; it seems like a Sunday, pretty much, except there’s no supper served. Went back to sleep till 7:30. Dreamed—not vibrant colors as the psych doctor said, but no specific recall of the narrative, anyway. Fell back asleep thinking about Barbell ideas, but having trouble recalling them as well. Reason #37899 to get the f*ck out of here... so Dr. Ronco can put me on Wellbutrin.
In the common area, going to work on Barbell. Will try to. Got a lot done. I just realized I named the main character Chris, and now I want to make him the camp town driver. Hmmm... coincidence?
Looks like a beautiful day out. Definitely an outside day after lunch. Maybe I’ll even take a walk. No walk, mostly exhausted for some reason. I hope it’s not the new med, or if it is, maybe I can get more and stay in a drugged-out state for the next three and a half years.
LUNCH: Holiday meal: steak & fish. J.E. in the kitchen gave me two steaks, roll. We also got a box lunch, also identical to the one we got in the SHU on the Fourth. Bologna (tossed), cheese, several pieces of bread, and a couple of cookies (which I ate; they made me feel better).
Was crazy tired all the rest of the day, not sure why. I’m still thinking med change. No ‘You’re in my seat.’ Not feeling it; I’m sure movies were playing all afternoon.”
Notes for Day 76 (Four Years Later)
A slow, tired day. Looking back, I’m pretty sure it was the new psyche med causing it. I don’t believe I kept taking the drug for very long. It totally wiped me out and actually made me more depressed, not helping with my depression.
Holidays were always depressing in prison. I’m not sure why exactly. I’ve never been a person who gets excited about the big family aspect of some of the major ones. I always just considered them to be ‘another day’ and never enjoyed the social pressure of having to buy ‘gifts’ for people. I’m more of a "buy things for people all year and when the stars align with the moon" sort of person.
So why were incarcerated holidays still depressing for me? That's a really good question, which I still don’t have an answer for.
The other thing: Barbell was starting to really take off for me creatively. I really wanted to do one story that took place in a federal prison camp. So, it was important for me to get the first draft done while I was there. While it was a total work of fiction, the setting really was a central part of the story, and Camp Devens was a character as important as the human ones.
