Day 24 - 7/16/21 - Friday.
- mainemoviepirate
- Jul 16
- 5 min read
Actual Journal Entry:
“Some sleep, but woke at 3:30 AM and couldn’t get back to my precious slumber. It’s official: I broke E’s record in the SHU. Now, let me to fck out of here. Though ‘Game Time’ told me ‘E’ still hasn’t gone to the Camp. Sigh. And another potential jackpot situation is building here at the SHU. Figures. I’m not going to record the details here, but Jesus, can I ever win at this sht? When you think about it, I have never done well with law enforcement; how well was I ever going to do in a place run by law enforcement? Maybe that is what the PSR meant when it said ‘Prison would be difficult for me.’ More later; I hope it ends before it starts*.
BREAKFAST: I ate the cereal because it’s fish day, and I may be skipping lunch. I’m learning.
NEXT WORLD IDEA: Not so much an idea but an explanation. I’ve been saying ‘Old World’ a lot, both in the Journal and here in my penthouse cell. By saying it out loud, it stops my train of negative thought, helps me cope, and prevents me from dwelling on sh*t I can’t change. I have compartmentalized my life:
The Old World: Everything that happened pre-6/23/21, and what is currently going on in that world. I can’t do anything about it. I need to keep my mind out of the Old World.
This World: Currently in this isolation cell at the SHU, it will soon be the camp (hopefully). Focus on what you can do in this world: work on my case, write, be a model prisoner. (That last one will be the toughest, but it’s in my best interest.)
The Next World: My life after exiting prison. It’s okay to visit once in a while, but make only general plans. What if I do stay the two-thirds of years? Think how many things have changed in the last two years. So, mostly, I have to stay in This World.
There is also a BONUS WORLD Called CONJECTURE WORLD: Which at this point is mostly about my case and the ‘other case.’ I try to stay out of this one too, unless something else develops. Playing out scenarios of things that may or may not happen is a waste of time and energy.
All that said, here is the NEXT WORLD IDEA: Upon release, focus heavily on PDFU and WIT to get to 400 pages (minimum) of SEO-stacked pages. Rumor theory has it that this would generate a nice piece of change every month—at least enough to cover expenses until I am able to have my true freedom and own businesses again. Also develop the darkcurrents site, finally. I don’t think I could get to 400 pages with it, but I could really make it extensive with enough original material to be used in other ways (merchandise, spin-off programs, etc.). That’s it. Not too much, just something to think about occasionally.
LUNCH: As advertised, FISH, Sandwich Bun, (and no ‘E’ to give it to), creamed corn (I can’t get enough of some creamed corn), Mac and ??? Onions?!? Took me a couple of bites to figure that out. The sad part is, I think, it’s the second time we’ve had it, and I ate it all last time. Who puts onions in Macaroni…? Ate the creamed corn, saved the roll, and scored a banana! Well, it’s got to be almost 1 PM; the chances of me going to camp are dwindling fast. Guess I’ll start deep cleaning the Penthouse. Lol.
Now 3 something, and it looks like I’m here for the weekend at the very least. Not much happening, but at least I’ll get some writing done. Another exercise in patience and tolerance.
Received letters from Mom and T. Mom is worried about me; it sucks that I have no way to contact her and tell her what is going on. T. is going to bring M. to ‘Keag because J. is being deployed. I didn’t see that one coming. Probably nobody did. I wonder who is watching the puppies. Probably K. Old World Stuff. I’m just glad P-bird is doing okay, and everything. Totally bummed about Uncle Bill. I should have gone and seen him when we talked about it.
One other idea: I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before in this journal. I wonder if my ‘new’ writing output is from not drinking? Something to think about when I enter Next World.
SUPPER: Shredded chicken, peas, bread, and some flavored rice with Veggies, which is sometimes good, but this one was slathered with Onions—big ones, little ones, long stringy ones, hidden ones. Pass. Ate the rest, though.
Feeling pretty good. 3-2 count, shower, started Dark Justice. These three projects are all I’m going to work on for now, until one is finished. (Probably The Man Who Loved to Die). Writing three different stories, one might turn out good. Maybe the letters got me upbeat. Twenty-four days into the SHU. Just knowing everything is okay, except for Uncle Bill passing. I just wish I could talk to Mom; she shouldn’t worry needlessly. Maybe I can next week.
I think I might try and sketch the view from this window. Not that the other sketch came out that great. I’ll take my time and just capture what I want. Like: Is the film on the outside to prevent us from looking at the fencing and the barbwire? Both in the morning and at night, the sun hits it every day just right so a shadow of the fence is spread across the window. And the other day a tiny bird landed on the fence, and its shadow was broadcast on the window. I want to sketch a picture that captures what I see, well, with my limited artist ability. Maybe a poem too; let’s go crazy. Another view from the SHU.”
Notes for Day 24 (Four Years Later)
Another large entry. Man, I was at the height of my boredom at this point, for sure.
The "jackpot situation" (which I’m pretty sure was the 'How I got up to the second level mystery') was still an issue with some upstairs in the BOP. “Game Time” even came to remind me again how he carried me up the stairs. It seems the damned thing happened: all the security cameras had a malfunction at the exact moment when “Game Time” escorted me to my new accommodations.
I really didn’t care; it was nothing to me. I just didn’t want to start my 'Forced Vacation' off with some kind of scandal. I assured “Game Time” that I would play along, and he went on his way.
The other thing I realized is how repetitive the "OLD WORLD, THIS WORLD, Blah, Blah" mantra was getting. But you know, constantly revisiting it in my head and chasing out those feelings of missing my family, T., the puppies, and my bird—it was really only my defense to losing it and staying sane… and it worked. I think it worked.
Finally, the "shadows on the window" were starting to shine through in my journal, with a lot of the lines of the actual poem, Shadows on a Window, first appearing in my journal. It was kind of like watching something being created in my head and on the page.
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