Day 20 - 7/12/21 - Mon.

I was really getting into writing stride by my fourth day in Solitary.

Actual Journal Entry:

“Very little sleep, still exhausted. Don’t know why. Can’t be the meds, but I’m going to take them around lunch just in case. Just can’t shut my mind off. Old problem, new location. A no-nap goal today; see if that helps. I will beat this. I wish I could fall asleep earlier to avoid the crazy portion of every evening, a little sick of worrying about sh*t that may or may not happen (in the old world).

BREAKFAST: Standard. Ate the cereal, saved the apple. Worked on NULL.

LUNCH: Not totally nasty, but I can’t put it in the ‘win’ column either. Tacos, but the hamburger had onions and Green Peppers. So it was the best cheese and hot sauce I have ever eaten. I ate the black beans and creamed corn. Meh. Protein and energy are good for the workout later. Oh, also an Orange and a Taco Shell I saved for later. I am surprised how quiet it’s been for a Monday morning. I wonder if I’ll get tested today; I wonder if it will make a difference. It hasn’t been three months since I had COVID. I blame and thank Steve, my Lawyer for this.

The nurse who was with the Doctor the other day came and took my temp (97 every time). Said I was almost out of this, but my math puts me only halfway through it. Ten days in isolation, I guess, is the rule. I’m not sure what rule book they use here at the SHU. Who knows? Well, I used most of the handbook for my ghetto SHU Journal. There were a few blank pages I missed. I’ll keep them blank in case I want to go back and draw a picture of something or something else. Now I use scrap paper and other stuff I put in there since arriving here. The good thing is some of the pages are totally blank. I’ll score a real notebook for my Camp Devens Journal, if I get there. Man, that section was boring, even for one of my journals. I must have been out of it or used all my creative energy on Null. A journal entry about journals. How stupid.

So I realized something today: I have to have total boredom to be at my top writing game. I mean, when trying to write something from nothing. Rewrites and tweaks don’t count. I’m trying to figure out how I duplicate this creative writing output back in the old world when I return to it. When I’m ‘back on Earth,’ the camp might be a good place to develop it. I have to have a place with no distractions. No TV, No Internet, No people. Nothing. Books and music might be okay; I’ll have to see. A writing retreat. Maybe a few of them. Because having only bare necessities opens it wide open. If I want to get into the creative process, it’s a requirement: take the sh*t away from myself. Make it like now. Not just the actual writing, but the mindset: going to bed thinking about a project, waking up thinking about a project. Sure does explain my childhood and the lack of writing during the EDGE Video Years. For those years, I was overwhelmed with chasing money. Even when business was good and I had plenty of money. Definitely going to work on this at the camp and then back in the Real World.

SUPPER: Spaghetti with meat sauce—not sure if that’s the one ‘E’ hates. I tried it and ate it all, along with the mixed vegetables and an excellent roll. Win. My final meal of the day was a big one. Night.”

Notes for Day 20 (Four Years Later)

This one was a painful one to rewrite, not emotionally, but just dry and boring. But I’m not writing a bestseller here; I am documenting my actual time in prison, everything: warts, scabs, and "put you to sleep" parts.

A couple of things I wrote about were interesting. After the visit with “CF” the day before, nothing came out of that. I basically stayed in the "Penthouse" suite until I was moved to the camp, which was fine by me.

The section about getting into a place or mindset to create or to write—while it did go on too long and was repetitive—I think now it's really spot on. The SHU proved it to me: I need total boredom to be at my peak creative outflow. That is something I have to make happen for the rest of my life. I need to take it seriously and make it happen.

“A journal entry about Journals”—that one still makes me shake my head. I really do wonder how much the SHU was getting to me at this point.

#prisonlife #bored #creative