Day 2 or "Two Scratches"

Actual Entry 6-24-21

“Virtually no sleep. I guess it will come eventually. Still learning the ropes, mostly from E. Got a feeling I’m in here for the long haul. I’m slightly hopeful on the appeal, less on the other thing. Stay Focused. Stay Strong. Move Forward. This is my life now.”

Notes for Day 2 (Four Years Later)

As I mentioned, these early entries were sparse—a result of trying to write with a pencil in the small margins of the prison handbook. I spent a lot of time talking to “E,” but I also didn’t truly know him yet. I wasn't sure if he was reading my journal while I took my five-minute showers. (Yes, we had showers in solitary, which I later learned was a rarity in the Bureau of Prisons.) We also sometimes talked about things that weren't exactly legal, so there was no way I was recording those conversations.

One of E's favorite stories was about my arrival on the first day. He claimed I was so scared that all I did was sit in the wheelchair and stare at the wall. That simply isn’t true. On the wall by the door were several scratches in a row on the cement block—about 24 or 25 marks, which, given the nature of the SHU, would signify that many days spent in the room. I remember thinking about the person who made those marks and what was going on in their head. I later found out this practice is called “Scratching the Days” and is a common thing in prison. For me, it was the mystery, the story behind those markings, not any fear of E or anyone else there, that captivated me. The rest of the SHU’s "guests" were very, very loud, and I imagine some of them were indeed very scary. This unit was supposed to house only the worst of the worst in normal times. I truly lucked out with E; we would remain friends throughout my entire prison time.