Day 56 - 8/17/21 - Tues.
- mainemoviepirate
- 43 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Journal Entry:
“Up at 5:30 AM, took meds, HLR drink, sat in my CubiCell and contemplated life. An example of the inconsistencies of this place: The lights are supposed to be on at 6:00 AM. Here it is 6:33, and the lights are still off. My question is, is it by design, or just indifference, or—worst of all—incompetence? Skipped breakfast; had HLR drink too late. Must wait an hour.
My plan about Prof. Lessig is to have someone send me his mailing address and phone number. Then do the over-the-phone thing again and send him a short reply and the documents he requested. It’ll be a good chance to find someone back in my “Old World” who can access PACER for me.
LUNCH: Was quite good. Chicken Sandwiches (the line gave me two chicken—one into reserve for later), beans (ate a few), Salad Stuff, white rice. Plus bread pudding. Mine was burnt, so I ate some.
Finished my lunch shift later than usual, because it was a big lunch. Sandwiches bring out the inmates. Got an email from T. She wants me to write a letter—a professional one—requesting a leave of absence from her job. I’m on it. I can do this even from here. Worked on Walking Distance… Almost. Done. Talked to E. a lot today. He thinks he will be leaving for RDAP soon.
SUPPER: Salisbury Steak (a.k.a. a glob of hamburger-type substance), Mashed Potatoes, gravy.
It doesn’t look like I’m going to make my daily 300-word goal with just this journal, but I did finish a couple of pages of WD (finish tomorrow, of course—been saying that for a while), so I should be good. Got a potential new PDFU idea*.
Looks like I may make the pill line after all, not quite awake from my nap. Sorry, typo: I will make the 300-word count goal because of the pill line. Here’s what happened last night in the Pill Line: I was second in line. A.K. was first. The distributing nurse told him, “Mouth Check.” Someone else was in the pill room behind her (like her boss or somebody). She had never done the mouth check thing before. It was my turn. She gave me the Wellbutrin and said the same thing. I opened my mouth to show I looked like I swallowed it. As I walked, I learned something about myself (See Four Year Later Notes below).
But that’s not the real pill line story, as it can be told anyway. The Nurse either told A.K. to go out into the bays and find the rest of the pill line regulars, or he volunteered to. And as I left the Pill Line window, Ricardo (maybe) came down the other hallway, past the phones, and cut right in front of the waiting pill line inmates, right in front of D.W. I could tell by the look on his face, something wasn’t quite right. I knew this because I had seen the look before many times, mostly when he was about to go off on some stupid sh*t Lo Mein had done or hadn’t done. This time, basically, he was pissed Ricardo cut the line, and he blamed A.K. for it. I know this because when I returned to my CubiCell (which happened to be right between D.W. and A.K.’s Cells), I overheard and partially saw the rest of the ‘conversation.’
D.W.: People just can’t go cutting in line here! We all count!
A.K.: Take it up with the nurse then. I had nothing to do with it!
D.W.: If you keep it up, you are going to get HURT in a place like this!
A.K.: You just want to fight!
Another inmate (I don’t know who because I couldn’t see, only hear at this point) had to jump between them. Several inmates, H.L. and Bolo (two dudes I wouldn’t f*ck with), were heading that way. Then the party was over, and A.K. went storming by my CubiCell. The whole incident was a perfect storm of miscommunication, fueled by short fuses and inflamed tempers. Like many fights, I guess.
Damn! This entry is looking like over 700 words! Funny how things work out.”
Notes for Day 56 (Four Years Later)
What was a pretty much a standard day was all changed at the Pill Line at night. Like I have mentioned before, the medicine distribution was different here than in the SHU. Those who took regular medicine had to stand in line at the Nurses station at roughly (really roughly) the same time every night. It was mostly a mundane, boring occurrence, but important to those who needed the medicine to stay alive. Once in a while, one of the inmates might flirt with the Nurse too much or piss them off in some other way (it was still prison, by the way).
What I learned about myself was this: this was the first time I fake-swallowed a pill that would have kept me awake all night, because I knew, being second in line, that she was going to ‘mouth check’ me. So, I learned that when I could justify it, I am, in fact, willing to bend or break the rules. I’m only human, and I guess, I’m admitting that I will bend the rules (or even break laws) in certain situations.
In this particular case, the reason for the mouth check was that some drugs (like Wellbutrin) can be abused, so some prisoners would fake take it and then sell it to other prisoners who want to get high or whatever. I knew I wasn’t going to do that. Basically, I was trying to work around a broken healthcare system that I was witnessing and continued to witness in the federal penal system. If I was in that situation again, I would do the exact same thing. No apologies.
Which brings me to the “fight.” Looking back, I’m really quite surprised this is the first time I mentioned A.K. He was right next to me in the row of CubiCells. And right from day one, he was right up in my business. But I wasn’t special; he did that to everyone. He wasn’t a bad guy, just he was… too much. I can’t say he was universally hated like Lo Mein was, but definitely a close second. To be fair, he was a very smart guy and he liked to talk about himself and all his wealth and accomplishments, but over time, it wore thin and seemed to be not quite true. But as D.W. would famously tell me when we did become friends, “Doug, you know how in the Army, you can be all you can be? In Prison, inmates can be anybody they WANT to be.” That one statement still lives with me and echoed in my head for my entire incarcerated career every time I talked to other inmates.
