Day 14 - 7/6/21 - Tuesday

How I spent my 54th Birthday or "Make Good Choices!"

Actual Journal Entry:

“Happy Birthday? You’re in Prison! Decent night’s sleep; must be the meds. Back to regular days after a long weekend. Hopefully, some progress in my exit from the SHU since it’s my 14th day. Then, once I get to camp, I’ll work on my exit from prison. So much I want to do. Being stuck in here only amplifies the frustration. Going to write my last two letters to Mom and T. today or tomorrow. I should have email access by the end of the week or weekend, if I can make it to camp. Had lots of crazy Null Ideas* last night; not sure if I should write them down or not. We’ll see. I can have plenty of material to make a short film when I exit prison. Nothing big, just a good, tight little story that’s not DC-related. I’d like to make three shorts before I dive back into a larger production. Fifty-four today, not a lot of time left.

Chicken & Rice for Lunch. Wasn’t bad. Looks like a nice day outside; supposed to be hot. I wonder if T. got her lawn mowed, or if the mower stayed running. I was the only one who seemed to be able to keep it going. Barely. I wonder how my section looks. I wonder how the puppies are. They say dogs have no sense of time, so hopefully whenever I get back, they’ll tackle me like always. Sigh. Got to use this time to write, reflect, learn more about the appeal process, and make plans for the future. Really looking forward to email so I can bug Steve. Two weeks—the same amount of time I lay flat on my back all those years ago at Shriners Hospital. Lots of similarities. I suspect the camp is going to remind me a lot of Shriners, though the penalties for bad behavior are much more extreme. I don’t plan on testing that one. Had some kind of weird Pork-like Hot Dog, a kielbasa? It was gross, but I ate it. Potato pieces and veggies. Lots of weird sh*t on my mind tonight. Got to chill, let things happen. Work hard and smart. Write-write-write. I’m right on the edge of getting out of here, I think—the SHU, I mean.”

Notes for Day 14 (Four Years Later)

You know, on a conscious level, being incarcerated on my birthday didn’t seem to bother me at all. I’m not a big birthday person in general; it’s just another day, and it always has been. But when I re-read this entry, taking it as a whole, I appeared really reflective, talking about writing, independent films I’d made, and those I would make in the future. I never truly felt like I was running out of time to make more movies, even though that's a reality. I just never really stopped to obsess about it—until I got into prison, or I guess, until my birthday rolled around while in prison.

Being incarcerated forces you to be genuinely reflective about your life, your choices, and your plan for your future beyond the prison walls—specifically, how you will be a better person outside.

That is a constant mantra drilled into your head, from me notifying my Probation Officer that I was on my way to self-surrender at Devens on Day Zero, to saying goodbye and thank you to my favorite Counselor at RDAP on Day 913. The consistent response I heard was, "Make good choices." Isn't that truly good advice for anyone, young or old, criminal or upright citizen, innocent or guilty?

That is mostly why my time at all three prisons benefited and improved me. I’m still not perfect. I will fall down and fail. I will make mistakes. But I will do my best to MAKE BETTER CHOICES.