Day 11 - 7/3/21 - Saturday

Actual Journal Entry:

“Another solid night's sleep. I think I’m getting institutionalized. Maybe I should ask if I can stay in the SHU (Yikes!) Raining outside the cell window; the chalk-dripping formations spread or not, I think it is. Finished reading my first book here in the SHU: TREASURE HUNT by John Lescroart. A murder mystery set in the world of high finance charities; wasn’t bad. Got better as it went on, though the end was a bit cliché.

Similar brunch as last Saturday, but with more eggs and tater tots. Can’t remember the supper; got to write this sh*t down. Another day down.”

Notes for Day 11 (Four Years Later)

A pretty bare-bones entry, "Just the Facts, Ma'am." Actually, there was a bit of opinion/review with the finished book. I read a lot of books in the SHU (when we could get them) and much more at the Camp, including many newspapers, and once I started doing my own legal work, many, many legal books. I am almost jealous of my incarcerated self for having the luxury of being able to spend so much time reading and learning.

But that’s just a cop-out; it's all about time management and focusing on what is important in life.

This was the first entry where I mentioned being "institutionalized," but it was hardly the first time I had thought about it. Once the reality of prison time set in, I was much more certain I could handle whatever time I got, because it wasn't the first time I'd been exposed to "institutionalization." When I was about twelve, I had to undergo a life-saving, very elaborate operation. I spent two months at Shriners Hospital in Massachusetts. Oddly enough, it wasn't very far from where I was incarcerated at FMC Devens.

I remember the night I was in that hospital ward room. Back then, all the patients were in one large room, each bed just a few feet apart. I remember being scared of what was going to happen and feeling very alone. I just wanted to go home. I didn’t care that it was going to save my life. I cried myself to sleep that night.

But starting the next day, I found new strength. I faced the medical challenges, made friends (and a couple of enemies, though not many) with the other patients. I got to know a lot of the staff, fell in love with one of the nurses, and really started to thrive in that restrictive, yet healthy and healing, environment. I never cried there again.The only time I felt any sadness was when I was in the car leaving the hospital and going home. Looking back, I realized I was actually going to miss that place, and I felt very strange about that feeling. My time at Shriners was one of the most important and impactful experiences of my lifetime.

So I knew personally that I had the resolve and the strength to not only survive but thrive in prison: to make the most of it, help other people, grow as a person, and then write about the entire experience—which will hopefully impact other people’s lives.

#prisonlife #survival #shriners